Q&A: Wedding Etiquette: Acknowledging Tragedy?

Q.

Not long ago, my fiance's brother was killed while serving in Iraq. After many tears and much consideration, my fiance and I have decided to go ahead with our wedding. Understandably, many of our guests as well as ourselves and our families have been deeply affected by this tragedy. How can we celebrate our marriage and still pay homage to our fallen friend and brother?

A.

While moving ahead with your wedding in the midst of such sadness was a difficult decision, it's also a wonderful way to celebrate life, new beginnings, and the future. Honoring the friend and family member you have so recently lost is an excellent way to bring you and your guests together. Here are just a few ideas to incorporate into your ceremony: have a moment of silence or special prayer; light special candles; add American flags to your wedding bouquets and boutonnieres; have musicians or vocalists play or sing "God Bless America." For the reception, you could distribute red, white, and blue or yellow ribbon-pins to your guests or make a contribution to a charity he would have supported instead of giving out wedding favors.

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Mardyvan
My now brother and sister-in-law were married this May, just 3 weeks after loosing one of the groomsmen in a tragic accident at the batchelor party! They had contemplated cancelling the wedding and decided that that would be the last thing he would have wanted. As rememberance they set a place for him at the head table, had one of the other grooms men (who was also a very close friend) do a very tasteful remeberance speech before the festivities began and as a special tribute the groomsmen all did a shot of Jagermeister in a toast to his hounour! It was a beautiful way to include him and a great sense of relief to have done it so early in the night!

njbride12
My fiance and I both lost our godfathers at very young ages (mine was 32, his was in his 40's)- right after dinner (while everyone is still sitting) we are playing "Only the Good Die Young" by Billy Joel. At the mention of my godfathers name, my family cries instantly so we are thinking this upbeat mix will remember them fondly, but with (hopefully) only a small amount of sobs.

njbride12
My fiance and I both lost our godfathers at very young ages (mine was 32, his was in his 40's)- right after dinner (while everyone is still sitting) we are playing "Only the Good Die Young" by Billy Joel. At the mention of my godfathers name, my family cries instantly so we are thinking this upbeat mix will remember them fondly, but with (hopefully) only a small amount of sobs.

xxbrittheartsjerryxx
this year my mom, mawmaw, and pawpaw passed away...with our wedding in nov. we are placing framed photographs with candles on the alter during the ceremony and of my momma, and during the offering to the blessed mother and giving of the roses we will place one on the table by my mothers picture...at the reception we will also have framed photos and pictures around the reception...

katkilday
At my cousin's outdoor wedding, the bride and groom placed framed photographs of departed loved ones and candles next to a water feature by the ceremony site. It was a really beautiful way of remembering loved ones that couldn't be with us to celebrate.