Q.
My fiance's parents and my parents have agreed to split the cost of the whole wedding and reception (yay!). Now how do we figure out who pays for what? Are there rules we should follow?
A.
In days of yore (okay, as recently as the 1980s), the rules about who pays for what were much more strict. The bride's family footed the bill for the invitations, announcements, wedding consultant, gown and accoutrements, reception (including site, food, flowers, photographs, videographer, and music), and transportation for the wedding party. The groom's family paid for the marriage license, officiant, bride's bouquet, boutonnieres, rehearsal dinner, and honeymoon. Today, the division of financial duties is far more fluid. Maybe one side feels strongly about the flowers, while the other side feels strongly about the band -- so go ahead and split it up that way. See what's on your agenda, then find ways to make it even. Feel free to come up with a game plan that works for you!
See More: Most Asked Wedding Questions , Money , Wedding Planning Basics
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aedawson13
My dad suggested a great way to avoid fights. Each party will just write us a check for their half (after we create and distribute the budget) and then all the money goes into the wedding fund from which we write checks. That way there is no fight over who pays for what or the possibility of someone paying more. Any leftover expenses will glady be paid out of my fiance and my pocket.
christinapayne
Both sides of parents have agreed to pay for our wedding as well, and I had a similar question. It is kind of difficult to cut the cost in half, so I was thinking of letting them decide what they want to pay for, so it will be fair. On a side note, I don't think there is anything wrong with parents agreeing to help out with the wedding. My fiance and I orginally were going to have a small, intimate wedding that we wanted to pay for ourselves. Our parents wanted to increase the guest list, so they decided to pay for the wedding, so that we could focus on getting settled and planning our budget.
tweedandsticks
I agree with Kat 112 if we are big enough to get married then we are big enough to pay for it ourselves. I have 4 sisters and none of us would dream of demanding my mother paid for our wedding. If you cant afford a big white wedding then dont have one or if you really want the fairytale then save for it and have it when you can afford one.
kat112
here's a thought...how about grown adults pay for their own wedding? Where did these expectations that your parents are supposed to foot the bill whether they can afford it or not? I can't even begin to imagine sitting down with my furture in laws and telling them they are supposed to pay for this and that. If they offer to contribute, great! If not, have the wedding that you and your FI can afford on your own!
Stacylynn702
what is the appropriate way to discuss financial responsibility with the soon to be in laws?