Q.
My fiance is no help at all when it comes to planning our wedding. When do I need to include him and when should I draw the line? I don't want to burn him out on everything before our big day, but no one else will lend a hand.
A.
It can be frustrating when your fiance isn't as interested in and excited about planning the wedding as you are -- you may be feeling disappointed, because as you say, it's your wedding, with "your" in the plural! You don't mention how he's being unhelpful -- does he just not care what color the flowers are, or what kind of food you serve? He may just truly feel that his work is done (he asked you to marry him!) and now all he needs to do is just show up. Let him know that you'd really like more from him than that. If he knows that it's hurting your feelings that he's pretty uninterested in the planning, he may be willing to at least humor you. Tell him you're feeling alone, because there's no one else to help you, and it's really something you'd like to share with him. Is there any wedding-planning task you think he would enjoy? Does he love music, and so might be interested in finding a great band? Or choosing the microbrews for the reception? You may or may not feel comfortable with giving him total responsibility for these things if he really seems uninterested, but try and convince him that you two can do them together. You shouldn't feel alone during your wedding planning, and he probably doesn't mean to make you feel that way, either -- so talk to him about it!
See More: Most Asked Wedding Questions , Wedding Planning Advice
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lharri12
I am in a similar situation. He said that planning the proposal was exhausting, so he feels like his part is done. It's kind of nice because I like to be in control :), but it can be annoying sometimes, too. Try asking him whether there are any specific aspects that he cares about AT ALL (music, food, reception venue), but don't bother with flowers, invitations, favors, your dress, etc. Involve him in those area(s) that interest him, but don't burn him out with some of the more "girly" details.
hng3944
My fiance is taking the hands off approach because he doesn't want his opinions to influence me too much... he wants it to be exactly what I want, and doesn't have too many stated opinions on things. It bugged me at first, but then I realized its because he's trying to give me my perfect day. I still show him to flowers, etc., but after he helped me pick the church (which is important to both of us) he checked out. He'll probably be back for the meal selection.
caseyandjames
Maybe your groom feels like you already have everything set in your mind and he doesn't want to waste his breath. When I first started planning, I found this questionaire about what kind of wedding you envision, what items are your priority, and what sort of vibe you want (http://weddings.about.com/od/gettingstarted/a/Que
stionnaire.htm). First, my fiance and I filled it out seperately and then we had a discussion about our answers and filled in a third together. It really allowed us to get on the same page right from the start and he's been great about helping out ever since. He prefers the little hands on things though, like putting together the invites or the favors. That said, my cousin didn't want her fiance to help out with the process at all - but they made a deal that he would keep the house clean and cook dinner for the whole year and it worked for them!
mcsmaria25
My fiance has been very interested in planning the wedding. If anything, he's been helping to keep me on track. Little things like invitations, save the dates, etc, he's not too concerned about.
lornamac22
I explained to my fiance that I understood there would be many tasks that he would not be interested in helping with but that I wanted him to have a say on the things he did. He ended up saying he'd like to be involved in more than I though he would. We also agreed to make Thursday night the "sit down and discuss wedding plans" night so I wouldn't have to feel like I was coming at him all the time. It has worked out well! :-D