Q.
I have two flower girls, both age four. One of their fathers (my uncle) is also our officiant. My fiance's mother does not want to invite them to the rehearsal dinner because they are so young and alcohol will be served. My parents think they should be invited because they are part of the wedding party. I can understand both points of view, but they are my cousins, and I don't know what we would do with them after the rehearsal, especially if their parents wanted to stay for the dinner. Does my fiance's mother get to decide because she's paying for the dinner, or is it proper to invite the little girls because they are part of the wedding party?
A.
This is a tough question for several reasons. The first is that there's no strict etiquette -- whether child attendants are invited to the rehearsal dinner is usually up to you (you, meaning the couple and the party's hosts, often the groom's parents).
In this case, it's a bit more complicated. It does seem practical to have the girls at the dinner, since they will be at the rehearsal, and it's polite to invite their parents to the dinner (especially since they are family, and, in your uncle's case, one of the key players). You may need to do a bit more digging to find out what the issue really is. After all, if alcohol is being served at the rehearsal dinner, it's probably also being served at the reception, right? And are the girls invited to that? If yes, then the alcohol probably isn't the issue.
Because it's kind of a touchy subject (and since his parents are the ones hosting the party), you should probably talk things out with your fiance first. Once the two of you are sure of your footing, ask him to gently bring it up with his parents to see if he can feel out what the real problem is and get a final verdict on the issue -- hopefully, it’s one that will work for all parties.
See More: Your Bridal Party , Kids at Weddings
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sudslover
It's a good idea for the child attendants to be included in the rehearsal dinner to allow them to get comfortable with your other attendants. In stressful times, children benefit from having people around them twith whom they are familiar. It's easier for the child to walk down the aisle to a line of known faces instead of unknown faces.
ty1019
To loags99 - you should not make an exception and allow your bridesmaid to bring her child. Other guests will be offended since no other children will be there. You could offer to help her find a babysitter in the area for the evening to help her out.
loags99
I do not want children at my wedding or reception, but I am having an issue with an out-of-town bridesmaid who had a child 6 months ago. I specifically did not write her child's name on the invitation (only her and her husband), but she wrote it in on the RSVP card when she returned it. I will not be having a babysitter at the wedding or reception, and really do not want her child crying during any of it. Most of all, I want to have fun with her and her husband, and don't want them to have to juggle babysitting responsibilities. What should I do??
gerads22
For our rehearsal dinner my fiance and I agreed that we want all of our attendance even the young ones to attend. So, we are going to have it at the local bowling alley. That way we can be with everyone and those that want to drink can and those that don't want to don't and there will be something there for the kids to play as well or we all can go bowling.