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Wedding Family Matters: What To Do If Family Hates Fiance?

Q.

To be blunt, my formerly loving family hates my fiance. We are getting married next year, and have not asked for a drop of money from them. All I really want is some emotional support, but every time we get together it's a battle and I end up crying. I cannot have a bridal shower or any other wedding celebration, because my mother or my sister would make it miserable. My fiance is a kind, wonderful person, and extremely thoughtful. According to my parents, the biggest strikes against him are that we are living together before marriage, he is two years younger than I, and is physically handicapped. I have tried many times to tell them how much he means to me, but to no avail. I've dreamed of this since I was a girl, and now the happiest event in my life is the most stressful. Is this normal, for a family to be so hostile? What are some peacekeeping tactics?

A.

First off, there is no such thing as a "normal" family, so don't feel as though yours is the only one not winning Leave it to Beaver awards. That said, you should know that your family's behavior as you describe it is absolutely reprehensible and unfair. But, as twisted as this may seem, they are likely acting this way because they care about you and want to see you living the kind of life you deserve. Clearly they are wary about whether your fiance is the right man to give you that life. What really matters is that you know he is.

Consider writing your parents a letter, or, if you feel comfortable, sit down with them one on one and try to explain how you feel. Let them know how much their behavior has hurt you; that you have found true love in the man you plan to marry and the only thing missing is their support. They need to understand that no amount of protest or bad behavior on their part is going to make you feel differently about your fiance. You will probably face resistance at first, judging from the way they have acted in the past, but hang in there. Once they catch on to how truly happy you are with your fiance, they may just come around.

See More: Family & Parents , Basics for Moms