Q&A: Family Matters: Don't Want to Invite Brother-in-Law!

Q.

I had a huge falling-out with my future brother-in-law. I really don't want him in or at our wedding. How do I approach my fiance (if I do) about the idea of not inviting his brother? And if I have no choice, how can I deal with his brother being there?

A.

No one wants someone they don’t like attending (much less participating in) their wedding. But no matter how much you don’t like him, he's your fiance's brother, and you will be related to him soon. So you probably shouldn’t suggest barring this guy from the wedding -- it would only make things tense. Besides, if you and his brother one day resolve your differences, you might regret not inviting him. It’s fine to let your fiance know how you feel about what happened between you and his bro, but the best thing to do is to not focus on the problem -- dismiss it. There will be plenty of people at your wedding who you'll want to hug, kiss, and lavish with attention. Focus on them and put his brother out of your mind.


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tigerprof02
I have the same problem except both me and my fiance don't like his brother. His mother is insisting that he be invited to every wedding related event though. I firmly told her that he will be invited to the wedding and that's it and that the wedding invitation is conditional. This brother has a habit of verbally attacking me whenever he sees me. I refuse to be attacked while dealing with wedding stress, or in general for that fact. The condition I put on the wedding invite is that he is not allowed to say one negative thing to me between now and the wedding day. The first word of an attack and he's off the list. This may not be proper ettiquette, but I think it would be worse if he started something and I had to physically beat him into submission of the condition on the day of my wedding.