Q.
This may sound kind of funny, but I am having trouble with my future MIL trying to save us too much money on the wedding! I knew even before I met my fiance what kind of wedding I wanted, and I am more than willing to pay the extra money for it! For example, my niece will be my flower girl, and I want her dress to coordinate with my tulle dress, but my MIL suggested we buy a dress cheaply from one of her relatives, even though it's satin and not what I am looking for. It's getting to the point where I can't even tell her anything about the wedding, because she will replace all my ideas with cheaper ones! I really like my fiance's mother, and I don't want to hurt her feelings, but this is getting annoying!
A.
You're probably a bit conflicted -- this woman is trying to help by offering to save you money, and you're getting annoyed! But don't feel guilty. She feels like she's trying to help, but really she's hindering your wedding planning. This is typical and normal mom behavior -- not just mom-in-law behavior!
When she comes up with something you know just won't fly -- like the flower girl dress -- all you have to do is say, very politely, "Thanks, that's really nice of you, but it's not quite what I want. I'll keep looking." Of course, it would help to give in to at least one (or two) of her budget suggestions, just to keep the peace (if you constantly say no, she might get offended or feel hurt). Now's a great time to cement a good relationship with her. So if she has any suggestions about wedding stuff that's not crucial to your vision -- like she knows about this great flower market where you can get cool wildflowers for the centerpieces, or she can get favors wholesale from her office pal -- you might want to tell her, "Sure!"
Truth be told, weddings mean compromise, even if you know exactly what you want. So consider which wedding details don't have to match your dreams exactly, then hand 'em off to her. It will pay off in the long run.
See More: Most Asked Wedding Questions , Family & Parents , Basics for Moms
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cfibelkorn
I agree with shanns81 Try to be nice because you dont want to burn that bridge but if you are the one paying for it I say DONT compromise. Its not her wedding! I am having a similar problem but my FMIL is paying for the wedding so I have to give in to somethings :( GOOD LUCK!
shanns81
Personally, I feel like if she's not paying for it, why compromise?
littleladybug706
I am concerned that I will have to face this issue as well. Initially, my fiance and I were planning our wedding for June 2010. However, we have decided on a longer engagement for many reasons and are now getting married June 2011. When I was in planning mode for the closer wedding date, his mom kept stepping in and trying to take my mother's spot in the planning. She suggested a reception venue in town and told me I should make an appointment to go see it. Okay, that sounded wonderful! I made an appointment and my mother and I were going to go see it. I thought it would be nice to invite her to come along since she suggested it, so I did. It ended up that my mother needed dental work done on that specific day and we couldn't reschedule, so I ended up going alone with her. Would you believe that she suggested a place with the paint peeling off the walls and a neon sign over the Ladies room!!!! It was cheap, but I am not exactly going for that kind of look for my wedding! She also told me she had a family friend that would be taking the pictures and another that would do the catering. She said if I didn't like them we could do a covered dish were each guest could bring something for dinner! She said she went to a wedding like that and the food was so good (it was a 2nd marriage for 2 people in their 50s!). She also told me that I should borrow a wedding dress of a close friend of my fiance and myself. We literally had gone to her wedding about 6 months earlier and many of the same people would be attending ours! I was so offended! My dad is paying and he is perfectly fine with paying whatever this wedding costs. I am not having a platinum wedding by any means, but he is fine with paying for a hotel ballroom and my own dress. Did I mention that she told me to plan on having at least 250 guests? I don't even know if she was including my family and friends! Now that we are a year and a half out from the wedding, she has backed off. I am just dreading this spring when I get back in wedding planning mode again because she is going to start all of this again. I told my fiance he would have to stick up for me in this because I can't have her doing this to us now. It's the wedding today and the rest of our life tomorrow! I am glad to know I am not the only person dealing with this!
lestes09
My future MIL is always suggesting the cheapest ideas too, I am getting annoyed. Very annoyed, although I've known her for several years and she has always been pushy and controlling. She wanted me to go to my fiance's aunts neighbor and have her make my dress, I didn't want that, I tried telling her nicely, well finally I found a dress and I had invited her and my fiance's cousin to come and check it out with my side of the family, well my MIL sneeked up front and looked at the price tag of my dress. It really made me mad, but I told myself I had to get over it because there were going to more things like this. Well, a few days later, I get a call from my fiance's aunt whom literally laughed at me because I paid such and such price for the dress. That was almost a month ago. Now, I feel his side of the family has a problem, because his cousin used to email me ALOT throughout the week, and now I maybe get one from her if even any. I feel his mom has made me look bad to his family, I didn't appreciate getting laughed at, especially when his family isn't paying for crap, my dad is paying for everything. I don't know, I've been really bitter about this, and its really hard to just accept it and move on. Especially when shes not only pushy about saving money on our wedding, but she is pushy about everything in our everyday life to the point I'm trying to convince my fiance to move out of state after we get married. She is crazy! When I told my fiance about what his mom and aunt did, he goes..You know my mom and her whole side of the family is crazy, just consider the source. Well, how would he feel if my dad called him and laughed at him about something.
lestes09
My future MIL is always suggesting the cheapest ideas too, I am getting annoyed. Very annoyed, although I've known her for several years and she has always been pushy and controlling. She wanted me to go to my fiance's aunts neighbor and have her make my dress, I didn't want that, I tried telling her nicely, well finally I found a dress and I had invited her and my fiance's cousin to come and check it out with my side of the family, well my MIL sneeked up front and looked at the price tag of my dress. It really made me mad, but I told myself I had to get over it because there were going to more things like this. Well, a few days later, I get a call from my fiance's aunt whom literally laughed at me because I paid such and such price for the dress. That was almost a month ago. Now, I feel his side of the family has a problem, because his cousin used to email me ALOT throughout the week, and now I maybe get one from her if even any. I feel his mom has made me look bad to his family, I didn't appreciate getting laughed at, especially when his family isn't paying for crap, my dad is paying for everything. I don't know, I've been really bitter about this, and its really hard to just accept it and move on. Especially when shes not only pushy about saving money on our wedding, but she is pushy about everything in our everyday life to the point I'm trying to convince my fiance to move out of state after we get married. She is crazy! When I told my fiance about what his mom and aunt did, he goes..You know my mom and her whole side of the family is crazy, just consider the source. Well, how would he feel if my dad called him and laughed at him about something.