Q.
My fiance's family is driving me crazy. Ever since we announced our engagement, they've been bombarding me on all sides with demands -- from inviting third cousins to including their kids in the ceremony! They're creating so much craziness that I'm ready to give up on the whole wedding and elope. Is there any way to deal with this?
A.
For better or worse, your fiance's family is part of the package. You don't want to get off on the wrong foot with your new family, so diplomacy is the name of the game. Pick your battles. Is it really worth it to be on his aunt's bad side forever, or should you just ask her son to be an usher? Unless you plan to never see her again post-wedding, the latter is probably a better option. For more petty requests, a polite (and truthful) answer is in order. When his cousin-in-law emails you to find out where her invite is, simply say, "We're very sorry, but with the cost of the wedding we just can't invite everyone." It's harsh, but what else can you really say? And when it comes to the bigger battles, don't be afraid to enlist his help. After all, he knows them better than you do, and probably knows how to defuse a fight (especially when his 'rents are really on the warpath). If you can explain the situation to him in a non-accusatory way (think, "I need your help," not "I'm ready to smack your sister"), he should be on your side and by your side -- he is your fiance, after all.
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sudslover
As a FMIL, I would suggest to all brides-to-be that you and your fiance work out a plan and then present it to the FIL. If they ask and make suggestions before you have had time to make a plan, simply say "We'll keep that in mind." Remember that you are a team and your fiance should back you up and maybe run interference. Every woman should understand a girl's dream of their wedding. Use that as a tool to diffuse difficult situations. "I've always dreamed of a garden wedding." I've always dreamed of ..." Maybe you could ask your FMIL for help with a specific task--one that would not make or break your whole plan but involve her in a special way. It's not easy being a FMIL--we have all heard horror stories that don't apply to every FMIL. A wedding is a blending of two totally different families, ideas and traditions. Just try to keep them in the loop so they feel includedd. And when you get to that spot, please be specific on the number of guests for the groom's side so there is no question. It's also hard when the groom's family is quite a bit larger than the brides. I come from a family of six children and even cousins may not be able to be included. Lack of communication creates most problems. I've learned a lot from you ladies and have learned to simply ask "how can help?" Best wishes to you all.
sudslover
As a FMIL, I would suggest to all brides-to-be that you and your fiance work out a plan and then present it to the FIL. If they ask and make suggestions before you have had time to make a plan, simply say "We'll keep that in mind." Remember that you are a team and your fiance should back you up and maybe run interference. Every woman should understand a girl's dream of their wedding. Use that as a tool to diffuse difficult situations. "I've always dreamed of a garden wedding." I've always dreamed of ..." Maybe you could ask your FMIL for help with a specific task--one that would not make or break your whole plan but involve her in a special way. It's not easy being a FMIL--we have all heard horror stories that don't apply to every FMIL. A wedding is a blending of two totally different families, ideas and traditions. Just try to keep them in the loop so they feel includedd. And when you get to that spot, please be specific on the number of guests for the groom's side so there is no question. It's also hard when the groom's family is quite a bit larger than the brides. I come from a family of six children and even cousins may not be able to be included. Lack of communication creates most problems. I've learned a lot from you ladies and have learned to simply ask "how can help?" Best wishes to you all.
anwallette
My future MIL is an extremely passive-aggressive woman. We're having a very small (under 60 people) wedding. My mom and I are doing most of the planning and my MIL keeps trying to interfere by complaining to everyone about the guest list, the favours, the location - you name it...she doesn't like it. But to my fiance and I's faces - she's fine with everything and is just trying to be "helpful". I'm at the serious end of my stress rope! Any ideas?
JayQue
I'm really having a problem with my fiance's family. We're an interracial couple (Im black, he's white) and his grandmother didn't like that from the very start. She said it didn't matter that I was educated and made good money; he should date a white girl "even if she works at McDonalds" (actual quote). After we got passed that, his family was up in arms that we didn't want to get married in a church. But he's Catholic and I'm not and serious lifestyle changes would be in order to make that work. Now they are saying that the place we want to get married is too expensive, even though the typical wedding is more than $10K and we're sitting under $8K with the venue, pictures, my dress and the honeymoon. There is no pleasing these people and I'm at my wits end! If anyone has any advice that might help me to gain a little perspective so that I WON'T call off my wedding, please send me a message! http://www.mywedding.com/niquitaandjames
kbojo1221
I have the same situation. My Fiance's mom starting inviting people without telling us. When it came time to mail out the invitations she gave a list of an additional 20 people!! We didn't have anymore invitations left (plus our list was at 300) she said she already told them that they were invited. So we had to tell her she had to uninvite those people. She was not happy with us