Q.
We are having a small destination wedding, and one of my sisters thinks it’s okay for her to bring her boyfriend. The whole reason for marrying away from home was to do it on our own -- but now the guest list has jumped to 14! I want my sister to attend, but I don't want her to bring her boyfriend. Not only do he and I not get along, the rest of my family doesn't want him there either! How can I tell her without making her feel like she can't come?
A.
This is touchy, but it's a matter of balance. Is it so important to you that your sister doesn't bring her boyfriend that you're willing to risk any fallout that barring him from the festivities might cause -- such as your sister refusing to come and the two of you not talking for years? Or would it be less painful to let her bring him and be done with it? Quite honestly, if you decide you absolutely do not want him at your wedding, there's no easy way to break the news to her. Any way you slice it, she's bound to get defensive and take you rejecting her boyfriend as a rejection of her. You need to be careful and remain aware of the risks involved. If you must break this news to her, do so delicately.
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Sea24Q
My soon to be sister-in-law does not want me at her wedding either. The bigger problem with us is that I'm not just a girlfriend. We've never gotten along but now I feel like I'm tearing my fiance's relationship apart. My fiance is so torn because he is so mad at his sister for questioning our relationship. If she really cared about his feelings and respected his choice for a life partner - she'd respect letting me come. I do not want to go now because I am not welcome, so he has become mad at me. I get that you definitely do not want people you don't like at your wedding; however, this could have a severe lasting effect. And it could destroy your relationship with your sister and/or it could destroy her relationship. You're going to make her choose - be ready for whatever she chooses.
riverjib
While I understand your concerns, this is your sister. My family supported me when I was with the wrong guy (who I invited to my own sister's wedding). They were kind to him, but I sensed that they felt the way I did...that he was not a match for me. We broke up some time later, and when I met my fiancee and introduced him to my family, they immediately embraced him as part of the family, because he fit me (and us) so well. That said, unless your sister's boyfriend treats her horribly and will ruin your wedding day, my best advice is to allow her to include him. If he's totally wrong for her, hopefully she'll catch on, but in the meantime, you'll keep peace with your sister.
katchowski
The first question is, How long have they been dating? If its under a year then you should have feel no obligation to invite him. Also, are you allowing other people to bring dates? If other people are not bringing dates then tell your sister it would be awkward if she did.
cocoangelpup@live.com
I have a similar problem, except my sister's boyfriend has been abusive to my sister, and to her small children as well. My fiance (and many other family members) want to beat the crap out of this guy. I REALLY don't want this guy there, but I'm afraid I have to bite my tounge to appease my sister. On the up side though, he will get snubbed, ignored and treated terribly at the wedding. :)
bonniebrett
i think it one of your guests is in a committed relationship, they should always be invited with a guest, especially your sister! Even if it was a money issue (which is not the case here), there are ways to bring the cost down... with our without cutting down the guest list. It's not a good excuse that you don't like the person, because you can't choose who your family and friends want to be with. What if you don't like your friend's husband? Are you going to invite her solo? Imagine if your fiance got invited to a wedding without you while you were dating. Would you be comfortable if he went without you?