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wedding makes you crazy, couple, bride and groom

Why Your Wedding Makes You Crazy

Is it still called "bridal brain" if the groom's got it too? What about family and friends?

Photo: Shutterstock

You're a rational adult, right? Or should we say, were? You've never been one to pore over wedding porn (lace, tulle, flowers -- repeat). Yet somehow, you've turned into the type of bride (and groom!) you swore you'd never be -- the one who gives other brides a bad name -- and you have no idea how you got here. Then there are your parents and your friends.... So what is it about planning your big bash that's driving you (and everyone around you) nuts? Read on to find out -- plus, get advice for curing the wedding insanity pronto.

The Cray-Cray: Irritable Bride (and Groom) Syndrome

It's only two months into wedding planning, and you could open your own fight club. You can barely spend five minutes  together without whipping out the gloves. Did you really just lose it because she wants Mexican for dinner? Congratulations, you've officially entered the World's Dumbest Fight Zone.

The Cause: Plain and simple, you're suffering from planning fatigue. Your couple's reserve has run dry: Too many wedding to-dos and too little fun time has burned you both out.

The Cure: It's time to look deep into each other's eyes...and crack the hell up. It's all about catching yourselves in time and realizing that you're both being ridiculous and just need a break. Budget time to chill out together (sans wedding talk), on the regular.

The Cray-Cray: Premarital Sexless Syndrome

Quick! When's the last time you knocked each other's proverbial socks off? Still thinking? Yeah, that's not a good sign.

The Cause: Fixating on the finish line (your wedding) at the expense of the day-to-day is a common pitfall for engaged couples. But skimping on the sweet nothings can make you feel less connected and more irritable.

The Cure: As the saying goes, "Ain't nothing to it but to do it." Declare your bed a wedding free zone and just do it already!

The Cray-Cray: Wedding Withdrawal

Your fiancé is fading into the background. First, his enthusiasm went; now, he's MIA. He says it's not cold feet, so what's eating him?

The Cause: Did you squelch his ideas one too many times? Or is it just that you've been (unrealistically) expecting him to get excited about napkins and flower girl dresses?

The Cure: Ask your guy what details he truly cares about and get him involved in those decisions. Remember: It's his wedding too. If you want him to be excited about it, then let him put his stamp on it as well.

The Cray-Cray: Mommy Complex

Your mother thinks it's her wedding. First, she made you try on her wedding dress; next, she showed up with swatches of her favorite color scheme; and oh-no-she-did-NOT just utter the words "my wedding." Yeah, she totally did.

The Cause: Her excitement is probably getting the better of her -- she may have been planning this day since you were born. Mom may not have had the wedding of her dreams, and now that it's your turn, she's simply trying to be a part of the fantasy wedding she never got. Or maybe her mother did the same thing, and she thinks this is how it's done. But if you've been locking her out of the planning process, this could also be her awkward way of pushing back.

The Cure: Have a heart-to-heart. But tread lightly, lest you bruise her sensitive feelings. Let her know how much you value her input and suggest specific areas where you'd like her help, while making it clear that you will be making all the final decisions.

The Cray-Cray: Budget Burnout

Your dad is seeing nothing but dollar signs. Instead of being excited, he actually loses a bit of color each time you mention the W-word.

The Cause: Maybe the word stretched doesn't even begin to describe what you've done to the original budget. So unless you are ponying up your own moola to cover the overages, it's no mystery why Dad's blood pressure is running high. Even if you're staying in the lines, he may be suffering from sticker shock. If the last time he planned a wedding was his own, he probably isn't too thrilled about what the cost of a wedding these days will do to his retirement prospects.

The Cure: Take Pops out to dinner (and feel free to shamelessly ply him with steak to make him talk). Drag the touchy topic out into the open, so you can both get a clear idea of where things stand. Once he knows you're on the same page and you're willing to work with his budget, he'll be more likely to show his excitement for you and join the planning committee.

The Cray-Cray: Incredible Hulk Syndrome

You both have had more than a few 'zilla moments. Worse, the things that set you off are fairly insane, like the fact that you're not allowed to release 500 butterflies in church.

The Cause: You've set the stakes too high. It's easy to convince yourself that if every single detail isn't exactly right, your entire wedding will fall apart like a line of dominoes. In reality, there's no "wrong" napkin color.

The Cure: It's all about taking a step back and realizing that no matter what happens, it's going to be a beautiful, fun-filled event that can't be "ruined" by a single false move.

The Cray-Cray: Nuptial OCD

Pop quiz: What do cereal, global warming and puppies have in common? If they all managed to remind you of your wedding, you've got it bad. Yep, you've become one of those brides who can only talk about her wedding.

The Cause: It's easy to become so fixated on the wedding that you lose sight of everything -- and everyone -- else.

The Cure: It should be one of the best days of your life, but it shouldn't be your entire life. Channel the you that you used to be preengagement. How did you spend your free time? Now tap back into your former fun self.

The Cray-Cray: Planning Induced ADD

It's Tuesday, so you have a dress fitting, right? Why, then, did you go to the bakery for a cake tasting? That wasn't a riddle. Seriously, why? Also, your shirt is on backward.

The Cause: With so many decisions to make, your mind's short-circuiting. Like an out-of-range radio station, the static drowns out the details, so it's hard to focus on any one thing.

The Cure: Use tools, calendar reminders and to-do lists to keep all those little details straight. (Find all three at TheKnot.com/tools.) Set aside specific times for planning and schedule it into your calendar, so when you're at work, you can focus on work -- not which flowers are in-season in April.

The Cray-Cray: Wedding Obsession

You didn't even care about weddings...until you got engaged. Now, you find yourself squealing over Vera Wang, debating shades of peach and oohing over flatware at showers.

The Cause: Blame the invention of "happily ever after" for your transformation from "I mean, I don't even know the difference between a princess and cushion cut" to blushing bride. Plus, it's hard not to get caught up in all the attention and excitement.

The Cure: There's nothing wrong with being excited about your wedding and getting into all the details. So relax and enjoy!

The Cray-Cray: Ring Envy

You've always had a dedicated posse, but lately, your calls go straight to voice mail. WTF?

The Cause: If you've been talking nonstop about your wedding...surprise! Not everyone finds it fascinating. On the other  hand, single friends sometimes think they're no longer needed and feel tinges of jealousy once you become part of a  couple -- with a capital "C."

The Cure: Invite your crew over for wedding-free fun. Make it clear that you want to hear about their lives and that you  won't interrupt to ask their thoughts on chocolate fountains. If a single pal is having a hard time feeling happy for you, give her a chance to come around.

The Cray-Cray: Dress Dysmorphia

Your bridesmaids are buzzkills. They hate every dress that you pick out and can't agree on bachelorette party plans.

The Cause: Their concerns may be their finances (the dresses are too pricey) or figures (they've got D cups and you like strapless). Or they may be suffering from bridesmaid fatigue, and their time, wallets and taffetatolerance reserves have all been tapped out.

The Cure: Be reasonable with your requests. Ask if your choice of dresses or bachelorette party plans fits their budgets and bods. If not, look for similar options that do.


>> Get more help dealing with maid and mom drama