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Announcing Your Engagement: How to Deal with Jealous Friends

How to deal if everyone isn't happy about your happy news.

Photo: Elizabeth Messina

Naturally, all of your pals are thrilled with the news of your engagement. They're calling you up with congratulations and popping the corks on the vintage champagne that they've been saving for just this kind of monumental occasion. Um, riiiiight. Unfortunately, friends can get pretty bizarre around engagement time. The truth is, not everyone will be happy about your new relationship status -- nor will they all keep their feelings to themselves. Fact is, getting married doesn't just affect the relationship you have with each other, it also changes the relationships you've created as single people. So if the behavior of friends seems bizarre or even hurtful, here's a little insight that may help you deal.


Fear of Status Change

Listen, your good news might feel just a teensy bit negative for some of your friends. When you change from a barhopping, all-night-partying bachelor (or bachelorette) into a happily married guy (or gal), it's a loss of lifestyle -- and possibly bar companion -- for your buddies. Be sensitive to their feelings and don't pretend everything is the same. It won't be -- and that's not a bad thing. True, you're not going to go out for all-night dance parties or bar crawls anymore (at least not every weekend), and you probably will hang more with couple friends (and each other), but that doesn't mean you'll ditch your single friends. Being up front and getting all those fears out in the open (yours and theirs) can actually bring you closer.


Ring Envy

No, we're not talking about jealousy over the size of your rock -- though we've seen pettier fights than that around weddings. But seriously, maybe your best friend has been trying to find Mr. Right for years, or has been dating Mr. Right for years and waiting for him to propose. You, on the other hand, were busy focusing on your career when Mr. Perfect just fell into your lap. Or maybe your Mr. Right knew you were Mrs. Right after only three months. Be sensitive to your friend's insecurity and feelings of frustration/unfairness. Whenever you feel yourself mentioning the F-word (fiance), stop and ask about her life instead. We're not saying you should never talk about your wedding again -- just be aware that it may feel like salt in the “Why hasn't he proposed yet?” wound right now, and she may need some time to come around.


Fiance Doubts

Do certain silly someones have reservations about your fiance? Stop and consider if deep down any of their concerns might be valid. Go with your instincts. If nothing feels more right to you than marrying your guy, you should do it. When people protest, tell them you appreciate their thoughts and concerns (smile sweetly -- you can do it!), but you're very happy with the decision you've made, and you hope that they'll support it. End of story.

-- Kristin Koch