One moment you're on Cloud 9, sharing the news of your engagement, savoring every juicy detail of the proposal, then boom -- you look up and your best friend/brother/sister looks positively ashen. Suddenly your feelings of pure elation curdle into muddled guilt. Some women are amazed to find their friends turning into catty competitors, goading their boyfriends into proposing, too, and trying to outdo your every wedding move. What's a flustered fiancee to do?
Don't Be Shy
You have the right to be excited and share your happiness with people important to you. Don't hesitate to share the good news with a good friend. If you don't talk about it, your friend or sibling may feel insulted and it may damage your friendship further.
Don't Play Dumb
Acknowledge that your friend is jealous. Not sure? When you talk about your wedding, do you feel guilty or does he or she act rude, dismissive, or bored? Assuming that you're not talking about the big day 24/7, trust your gut reaction. Good friends should be affirmative, not negative.
Edit Yourself
Speaking of wedding talk, don't overdo it! Remember that even people happy for you don't want to hear about every little detail (yawn). Divert conversation to what's going on in their lives and be a riveted listener.
Confront the Problem
If someone makes a nasty crack about your plans, respond to the slight right away by gently asking, "What do you mean by that?" Another tactic is to tell the person how you feel with statements such as, "I'm confused why you said that" or "I'm hurt that you see it that way." Focus on how
you feel, not on what they did.
Share the Spotlight
Sometimes the problem is simply that your parents are perceived to be ignoring the sibling that is jealous and slathering all of their attention and bragging on you. Acknowledge this inequity by saying, "I realize I'm getting a lot the attention and I hope it's not bothering you." If the sibling is married, point out that he or she has had the spotlight; for those that haven't yet made the trip down the aisle, reassure them that their time is coming! Either way, turn to your siblings for advice in dealing with family dilemmas and be sure to spend quality playtime with them sans mom and dad.
Stroke Egos
When a person is jealous, she or he craves acknowledgement. Your mission? Play to the person's strengths. Remind them (often!) of all their positive qualities and accomplishments: great job, dynamite figure, whatever. Better yet, ask your friend for advice in his or her areas of expertise. If your workmate has a great fashion sense, tell her you'd love her opinion on your dress. If your brother's a savvy globetrotter, pick his brain about destinations and travel tips.
Show Your Love
Make sure your friends get the message loud and clear that their friendship is extremely important to you. Tell them how much happiness you wish for them and, if single, try to assure them that their perfect partner is out there somewhere.
Be Humble
While you're stroking his ego and showering her with love, don't forget to share your own wedding-related woes: arguments with your fiance, etiquette blunders, cold feet, and in-law conflicts. Even if you're ecstatic despite it all, you'll be able to bond over your vulnerability.
Get It Out in the Open
When push comes to shove, acknowledge the awkwardness between you and your friend. Perhaps open with something like, "I wonder how you feel about my getting married?" or "I feel awkward about this situation because we've always shared our dreams about getting married�I wish this could be happening to us both at the same time." Never say that you know how he or she feels (you don't) but opening the door for a friend to vent can ease a lot of pressure.
Invest in the Future
Slot a singles table into your seating chart and ask your friend to help you fill it -- positioning him or her between two sexy singles is obviously the game plan! Why not? Lots of people meet their spouses at weddings. After all, love is in the air.
-- Lori Seto
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xxLUNACYFRINGExx
Planning my wedding started out as just a huge migraine I couldn't get over. I had seven people in the wedding party, including my sister, who is planning her own wedding, and is therefore not at all interested in mine (even though HER wedding is ten and half months after mine). I had a nightmare BM who had nothing but bad things to say about the dresses I had her try on, no good things to say about FH or the fact that we're even getting married at all. I tried to diffuse her jealousy by giving her things to help me with like flowers and centerpieces and hair and makeup. I thought if she felt more important, she would feel better about being in the wedding. She came over while I wasn't home and asked FH if HE would personally loan her the money for her dress because she's struggling and can't afford it. She had the audacity to ask him to keep it a secret from me too. He obviously said no, and told her that her coming over unannounced when I wasn't home made him uncomfortable. She got mad at him and came complaining to me. I assured her that if she really needed our help, we'd give it to her. I stood up for her to FH, and we had some angry words over it. Literally the next freakin' day, this girl comes over unannounced and when I wasn't home. AGAIN, even though I told her not to. She got a new car, new shoes, a new PlayStation, several new games, wireless internet for her new laptop and tickets to a concert. She actually had the nerve to ask FH if he wanted to go with her to the concert too. Needless to say, I didn't feel bad telling her to step down from her position as BM. When we changed our plans and decided to go to Las Vegas instead, we didn't even tell her. It's not polite to ask someone to step down once you've already extended them the honor, but in this case, I think I made the right choice. Making passes at my fiance and acting like you wish you had him for yourself is definitely NOT proper WP ettiquette.
ange0628
I can honestly say that I thought my sister would be happy because she always wanted to be a maid of honor and she gets to be in mine, but from day one she has been more into her friends wedding than mine. She also starts crying or lets me go any time the wedding comes up and she told me it wasn't fair that I was getting married before her. All my sister has done is talk down on everything. I gave her the option of picking the bridesmaid dresses and after 6 months of not doing so I picked one myself and she got mad. I hate regretting that I chose my sister for my maid of honor, but that's honestly how I feel.
daydreamwanderer
I've got a friend who waited for a LONG time to get engaged (years), while we were friends for years before getting together and are now on the fast track - our timelines are pretty similar from the engagement on though. She seems somewhat upset that I'm getting married too, which is a disappointment, because I was so excited to plan my wedding with a great friend who has totally different taste from me! I thought it would be perfect! Sadly not so. :(
What08
I agree with you ihaltie1. I'm having the same issues. My wedding is in November on only 1 of my 5 bridesmids has a dress. I asked my sister (a bridesaid) was she going to get her dress soon, she said, "I guess I can get it." That's reassuring, lol (NOT!). So I've pretty much counted her and her sidekick (my other sister and bridesmaid) out. I'm just going to focus on my fiance and our day. I knew I should have just went to the caribbean, lol!
xd.caitlyn.r
Ive been dealing with this problem since the beginning... its sadly lost me half the girls in my wedding party. i should have seen it coming when i asked one of my girls and she wasn't excited, she was more like "eh, ok, i guess ill be in" The others girls all just made a point of telling me that we weren't ready yet and that we didn't actually know if we were meant to be... if you have anyone acting like that: RUN! it doesn't help that were the first ones in our group of friends to be engaged and im also one of the youngest... Ive learned from this experience, who my best friends are. and i must say, im a million times closer to them since, and honestly, i wouldn't have it any other way at this moment. so for other girls, I know it hurts to hear it from your friends, so i wont say to get over it, its very difficult. but honestly, your best friends will be there to cry with you, and they will make you laugh, i promise, my best friend is even planning on getting revenge by not inviting these people to the bachelorette party, and these people are still acting like they deserve to go, well they have another thing coming. so give it some time and it will get better. :)