Q.
I am 29 and my fiance is 42. I have a fairly steady job and my fiance is doing extremely well. Several years ago, my dad said that someday he would pay for my wedding. Well, I recently asked if he would like to contribute, and he said he would need to talk it over with my stepmom. It was a hard question to ask, because he hasn't paid for anything for me since I moved out almost 10 years ago. It was very uncomfortable for both of us. Two weeks later he offered me $10,000. My aunt has since expressed surprise that I asked -- she felt that since I am almost 30 and have been working for so many years, it wasn't the right thing to do. But my fiance really encouraged me to ask, as I am my father's only daughter. Now I feel guilty about the whole thing. Should I just let it go, accept that he has offered to pay, and try to find the best possible deal to keep costs at a minimum? Should I maybe try to pay for some of it myself?
A.
Budgeting for your wedding is one of the hardest things you'll ever do. Money is never fun, especially when paired with guilt. It sounds like you should have a heart-to-heart with your dad, telling him how much you appreciate his offer to contribute but that you are also having conflicting feelings about it. Maybe
he felt guilty when you asked, too, and came through on his promise from several years ago because he felt obligated. Or maybe he's glad to do it but was initially hesitant because he knew he had to discuss it with his wife. I'd say the most important factor is how
you feel about taking his money. If it's going to make you miserable throughout your wedding planning, then it's probably not worth it. Your aunt's comment seems totally off the mark--just because you are of a certain age and have a steady job doesn't mean you must foot the bill yourself. And this is really none of her business anyway--ultimately it's between you and your father.
If you and your fiance can comfortably contribute to your wedding costs, you should do so. However, it strikes me as a little odd that your fiance was so enthusiastic about your dad contributing when, as you said, he's "doing extremely well." (You also said, "Maybe I should pay for it myself" -- shouldn't both of you be contributing?) My take on it is that every couple should contribute to their own wedding as best they can; they shouldn't expect money from their parents, nor should they automatically be expected to pay for it themselves. The most important thing right now is to clear the air with your dad, so you can have fun with the wedding planning instead of feeling depressed.
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s.dice
My Dad gave me a (big) business loan when I was 22 - I'm now 31, and getting married next May. I still owe him about half of what he lent me, due to the economy, the fact that I rent out one of my properties, and I don't even break even with what the renters' pay, and me not being as busy at work. My Dad works very hard, and doesn't make much money, but is paying for most of our wedding....SO - I know how you feel about the whole "guilty" thing. He is more than happy to pay, especially since I'm being as frugal as possible - our wedding weekend on the Cape (Cod) is going to be at this little village of cottages on a private beach - is going to cost about $15,000 - and that includes EVERYTHING!!! Rentals (tent, tables, chairs, lighting, etc.), pics, video, dj, food, alcohol, decorations, you name it. He thinks he's getting out of it cheap seeing as the avg. wedding costs about $30,000 for a guest list of 200. I say just make sure you're both comfortable with the decision. I'm really close with my Dad, so talking to him is very easy. I think if you sit down and have a chat with him about what you're feeling, everything will work out! Oh - and don't even pay attention to your Aunt - she's putting her nose where it doesn't belong! Hope this helps! :)
angelfeet
Be glad that he's willing to help and don't worry what anyone else says. You're lucky that your dad can help.