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real grooms speak out

What they think about wedding planning.

I had a really great time with my fiancee's mom during the planning -- I think we really bonded over all of the food tastings!"
-- Jeff D.

My fiancee planned most of the wedding while I served in Iraq, and her monthly updates made our time apart easier to bear. I really had something to look forward to upon my return home.
-- Steve C.

I never knew how patient my fiancee was. To be able to deal with me and all my questions and ideas, both good and bad, about the wedding -- I was simply amazed and thankful that she agreed to marry me.
-- David S.

I appreciate the hard work my fiancee put into making our wedding welcoming for both families. I was especially honored when she came up with the idea of having my father officiate the wedding (even though he's a bit of a wild card). The effort she put into making it special for my family was another reminder of how lucky I was to have her as my bride.
-- Andrew M.

The fact that we got to sample a whole mini cake was totally awesome.
-- Brady W.

While during the planning I didn't understand why my fiancee agonized over some small decisions, on the day of our wedding all those little details made the whole experience uniquely ours.
-- Ryan M.

My fiancee certainly gave our wedding planner a run for her money.
-- Astley B.

inside your grooms mind

Wedding Planning: Inside Your Groom's Mind


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Wish you could read his mind? You don't have to -- here's what he thinks about the wedding.

We're not selling grooms short: There are a lot of guys who count "expressing my feelings" as a forte, and who are engaged in the drama of a seating chart. Communication is a cornerstone of any good relationship, but the high tension, strange customs, and unfamiliar etiquette that come with planning a wedding can leave some guys speechless, and many brides aggravated. Here's what he really wants you to know, and how to handle it, without even having to ask.

"You have to tell me what I'm responsible for."

You might expect him to plan the honeymoon, and might hope for a present on the morning of the wedding, but does he know what a groom traditionally takes care of? Unless he's been sneaking a peek at your bridal magazines, he might be totally unaware that he has any responsibilities after he proposes. And if he's among the first of his friends to get married, he probably doesn't have anyone dishing these valuable tips to him.
Relationship Rx Telling your groom what you expect of him is not poor etiquette -- it's necessary, and he'll welcome the guidance. If you're not comfortable filling him in on some of the details (like the bride's gift, for example), ask one of your bridesmaids to bring it up so that he gets the hint (and so you don't get mad).

"I have no idea what napkins will go best with our linens, but that does not mean I don't care."

You mention how you'd like your bouquet to match his boutonniere, and his eyes glaze over. You show him a motif you're going to add to all your stationery, and he responds with a shrug. It's tempting to interpret reactions like these as disinterest in your wedding (and, in turn, your relationship), but don't be so quick to pounce.
Relationship Rx Even if your groom doesn't have strong feelings about the decor, he wants the wedding to look good just as much as you do. His mild interest in the details doesn't mean he doesn't care about the wedding -- it means he trusts your tastes. Ask him specific questions, like "Which flower do you like better?" and you're more likely to get a direct response.

"I want you to look like you."

Every bride wants to look her best for her wedding, but some risk changing their style too dramatically with heavy makeup, big hair, and too many accessories.
Relationship Rx While there's nothing wrong with getting glamorous for your wedding, your groom doesn't want you to change your look so much that he doesn't recognize the girl who's walking down the aisle. He fell in love with you seeing you every day, so remind him of that with hair and makeup that are distinctly you.

"My friends aren't D-class citizens."

Just because you might not like one (or a few) of his friends, doesn't mean you can seat them in Siberia during the reception. If you stick a table of his buddies in a corner while your friends have a prime spot near the dance floor, they will notice, and they'll probably wonder why they got the short end of the seating chart.
Relationship Rx Make a game plan for your reception seating that follows logic more than favoritism. Give close family and attendants the best seats in the house, and arrange tables from there. If you have to put a group of his friends toward the back, show there's no ill will by seating your friends in a similar position.

"Don't ask for my opinion if you don't really want to hear it."

With so many tough planning decisions to be made, it's natural to second guess yourself and seek out your groom's opinion. And that's fine, but not if you're asking him only to reinforce something you've basically already decided. If he tells you his thoughts (the ones that disagree with you), your response shouldn't be along the lines of, "Are you serious?"
Relationship Rx Turn to him when you're really torn about a choice, and he'll gladly give his input. When you know exactly what you want, however, go with your gut rather than put him in a position to pick an option you would never really consider.


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