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Wedding Party: What to Do With Spouses?

Q.

My brother is getting married and has asked me to be in his wedding party. However, I'm married, and my wife feels that it would be insulting to her if I said yes and she was not a member of the wedding party. What should I do?

A.

Sorry -- your wife is being incredibly selfish. We're talking about your brother, your sibling, your flesh and blood, getting married. Unless he is especially close to your wife -- and even if he is -- there's no rule that says he's required to include her in the wedding party. It's a nice gesture that some couples do make, but if your brother and his fiance (who may not even know your wife very well) have many other close relatives and friends they want standing next to them on their big day, it's their prerogative to choose those people. As far as the women in the wedding party, they should primarily be those the bride is closest to. I assume your bro's wife-to-be and your wife only know each other through you guys -- no matter how well they may get along, they're probably not soul sisters yet.

It sounds like your wife is feeling left out, like she won't be a part of the wedding if she is not in the wedding party. But that's absolutely not true. She is a family member and will of course be included in the rehearsal dinner and the photo sessions. She'll sit in front with your family at the ceremony and most likely will be seated next to you at the reception. Explain all this to her. Obviously, you want to stand up for your brother. Let her know you're planning to do so, and she's just going to have to come around.


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