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Wedding Gifts: Bride and Groom Asked for a Monetary Wedding Gift But We Weren't Invited to the Wedding Reception!

Q.

My neighbor's daughter is getting married in August. We're not that close, so we were invited to the wedding ceremony but not the wedding reception. The wedding invitation indicated that the couple preferred monetary wedding gifts, but my husband and I are wondering if we should give a wedding gift at all since we really don't plan to get all dressed up for a wedding and then not be invited to the party afterward. If we do give them something, what would be appropriate as far as a dollar amount for a money wedding gift?

A.

The larger question here is how this whole thing was handled! You're invited to the ceremony but not the reception? The invite said the couple wants money? Yikes. Asking someone to come to the ceremony but then not having them at the reception -- and also asking for a gift right in the invitation, which is really quite, um, tacky -- is not a very gracious way to handle things. (By the way, all you brides: It's fine if guests ask to tell them if you would appreciate gifts of money, and your parents and wedding party can tell people too. But don't put it in writing, especially on the invitation!). You can either not go to the wedding, which might make things a bit tense between you and your neighbors, or just go to the ceremony and send a card or a check if you feel right doing so. There's no right or wrong amount. Give what you feel is appropriate. If under the circumstances you feel that sending a card of congrats is sufficient, then don't have any qualms about doing so.


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