Engagement Parties: Etiquette 101

The melding of friends and family at your engagement party can be tricky territory. A breach of etiquette or a careless comment -- from you or a guest, intentional or not -- can set the stage for hurt feelings to fester. Here's our top etiquette tips for planning an engagement party that will pave the way for stronger -- not strained -- relationships.

Invite Right

Don't invite anyone who's not invited to the wedding, but don't feel pressure to include everyone who's invited, either. The engagement party is a more intimate affair than your wedding, and it's nice to keep it small, especially if your families are meeting for the first time. Don't feel guilty about not inviting your work chums and certainly nix exes from the list! Consider making it a family-only affair -- or doing two parties, one with family and one with friends -- to maximize your time with each group.

Extend the Peace Pipe

Do certain silly someones have reservations about your fiance? Invite them on one condition: That they join the party with an open mind. Tell any naysayers that you value their friendship and that their presence would mean a lot to you, but that you understand if they must decline for personal reasons. Hopefully they can put aside their feelings and focus on your happiness for a few hours.

Register Early

Gifts are optional at an engagement party, but it's smart to start a bridal registry for a few items in case people ask family or friends what they can get you (never tell people where you are registered or what you want). If you feel awkward about the gift issue, write on invites, "Your presence is your present!" People will feel let off the hook, but are still free to get you a present if they want to.

Stash Gifts

When people bring gifts, thank them profusely and ask whether they would mind if you opened them after the party. If someone insists you open their gift on the spot, do so away from other guests so that you don't guilt-trip partygoers who did not come bearing gifts. Send a short thank-you note that mentions the gift as soon as possible after the party.

Pay to Play

If you're hosting your own party at a restaurant, don't ask guests to pony up cash contributions: If you're doing the inviting, then it's your responsibility to foot the bill. If dinner is too expensive, consider a tea party or happy hour instead.

Introduce With Flair and Care

Follow these meet-and-greet tips when you're bringing the troops together:

• Etiquette says that when making introductions, you should introduce the woman or the oldest person first.
  
• Don't be shy: A botched introduction is better than no introduction, which may make a person feel unimportant and unwelcome.
  
• Add a bit of background information about a person after introducing them to give both parties something to chat about.
  
• If you forget someone's name or are unsure of how to pronounce it, simply say something like, "Please tell me your name again -- I'm having a mental block." You don't owe them an apology unless you just met them.

Acknowledge Everyone

There will be people you're not crazy about at your party. Despite your, and perhaps their, feelings, they made the effort to be there, so be sure to greet them, even if only by shaking their hand and saying, "Thank you for coming." Look them in the eye, smile pleasantly, and then move on to the next guest. It's likely that you'll be able to keep yourself busy enough during the party to avoid awkward moments with the undesirables.

Bridge Cultures

Do your families hail from opposite ends of the earth? Keep in mind that what's considered a polite greeting and gesture in one country may mean quite the opposite in another. Do your homework -- and spread the word among your American guests -- regarding the cultural customs of your fiance's family.

Put the Kibosh on Awkward Comments

Is Dad waxing sentimental about the great fishing trips he and your ex shared? Does Grandma keep telling people that your wife-to-be can't cook her way out of a bag? Nip comments such as these from spreading bad vibes by speaking with offenders immediately. Pull the person aside and say something like, "You've made it clear how you feel about [insert fiance's name and the issue], but this party is about celebrating the positive prospects of our new future together -- not reflecting on what was or could have been. It would mean a lot to me if you could respect my choice of a partner and not embarrass my guests with negative comments."

Take Toasts in Stride (and Respond in Kind)

When well-wishers propose a toast to you, remain seated and don't raise your glass or drink. It's customary that one or both of you respond to the toast with a toast of your own to thank people for coming and express your excitement about the joining of two families. It's also nice to single out each set of parents and toast their support and love (or whatever you deem most meaningful).

-- Lori Seto

See More: Just Engaged?